So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
