She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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