Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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