dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
