How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drake has all the answers
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
