Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
