I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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