you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
