I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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