Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The best revenge is premature balding
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
