Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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