I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
