What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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