Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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