you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
