he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
