Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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