I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
