i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
