My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
