Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
