you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can feel your judgement through the phone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
