So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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