Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
