just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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