my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
