oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
