I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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