and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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