it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
