This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
