I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
