opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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