I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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