I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize