East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
