You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
