I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
