it wasn't lemon gatorade
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
