Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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