I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
