I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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