I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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