genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
