It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
