Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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