it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
