Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
