There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
