"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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